*Trigger Warning* Fading Memories Thirty-seven years ago, I began building walls around the memories of my child abuse to compartmentalize a traumatic and embarrassing time in my life. I was molested for seven long years, and I was ready to turn the page. My abuser saw the opportunity with me when my dad died. I…
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Two of my kids were competing in a swim meet recently at our township pool. It was a great event and I had fun watching all the kids compete. My two swimmers, who aren’t the strongest swimmers on the team, did well and improved on their personal bests in five of their six races. Setting…
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My Friends I was recently at the beach with a group of buddies I’ve been friends with for thirty-five years. They are a good group of friends and we have been doing this guy’s weekend for twenty-eight years. Over those years, we’ve shared a lot together…. graduations, jobs, marriages, promotions, career changes, kids, divorces, and…
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How do you start a story about a truly sensitive subject, a subject that traditionally lives in layers and layers of secrecy? This is the question I’ve been asking myself as I journeyed to reassemble the pieces of the past that I buried years ago to process, grieve, and fuel my actions in a positive…
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Early Loss I find myself thinking about my dad often lately. He’s been dead for forty-four years, but it’s like he has been sitting next to me these last couple of years. I was six and my little brother was one when my dad died. My mother was a stay-at-home mom when he passed, but…
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Developing a community around my dark past was my first step towards healing from the deep wounds of child molestation. Every time I share my story with a person in my life, I heal a little more. I get stronger and more confident. I like to refer to this as getting comfortable in my own…
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*Trigger warning: non-explicit mention of grooming and childhood sexual abuse. Losing My Dad My father spent the last month and a half of his life in the hospital before he died in the late 1970s. I was a six-year-old boy at the time. I wasn’t sure why he was sick in the hospital but later…
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Who Doesn’t Like Roller Coasters? My sunrise is much bigger than gaining control of my physical health. It’s about living with a healthy mind, body, and spirit. It has become woven into the inner fabric of my life. When my oldest child was born fourteen years ago, I became the fun parent. The one who…
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Nightmares of my Monster and Triggers Here is the fear that haunted me for so many years of my life…Will I one day become a pedophile like the monster who molested me? There is a popular myth that most pedophiles are victims of child molestation themselves. Did my molestation predispose me to this life sentence?…
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My Big Decision – Telling My Mom Ten months ago: I’m on my way to work and I have a strong urge to drive to the cemetery and visit my mom. I have this undeniable feeling that my mother is trying to send me a message from beyond. I felt a similar urge to visit…
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